I feel concerned by any testimony about intensive indoctrination accompanied by the exploitation of feelings of guilt.
In my personal experience, I have been plagued from within by moral conflicts in which I felt trapped. I had to find a way out. I started by developing my critical mind, which resulted in a multitude of thoughts that I put down in writing, often a simple sentence whose themes, inspired by daily life, jump from one subject to another. The solution was within me - it was to be coherent with oneself - but it still had to be freed from the social straitjacket by resisting traditional ways of thinking about life.
Much later, I grouped these "thoughts" by theme, and I realised that they formed a fairly coherent whole, provided I filled in the gaps and composed linking texts. And there I felt the immense satisfaction of having been able to express myself, of having left the zone of obscure and confused feelings, of having resolved my inner conflicts and of finally feeling peace.
I don't feel empowered to give advice. However, I encourage you to express yourself, because writing clarifies thought and forces coherence. We can start by listing the facts, what happened.
Crushed by the weight of the Authority, victims often feel incompetent. This feeling must be overcome by the need to survive and ensure, if not personal happiness, at least a decent life in which our needs are recognised without being distorted by "duties" that express a little too much of the will of the social environment.
It is much more difficult to describe the feelings and moral conflicts in which one has been locked up, in short to justify the pain felt, but it is worth talking, expressing oneself, describing how religion cultivates and exploits guilt to better enslave. We must point out the poison and let it out.
Such writings may remain private, but to have them intended for readers gives them a welcome motivation to support a demanding task. As testimonies have a reconstructive value, I gladly collect them. If you are tempted by the adventure [see the "Contact" link at the bottom of the page], they will initially remain private. Only at a later stage could they, if you wish, be published on my site, for example by making the author anonymous, all the more so as they could be of service to many other people in a similar situation.